Part of the book Keep calm, there are no rhinoceros in this book.
Between the session of pornographic sociology and that of philosophy in the bedroom, Stephan was searching. He was looking for the latest issue of Kinsey Asimov’s Darwinian Sexology, when a clock ticked. Tic-tac, tic-tac made the clock, and behind him Stephan saw the crocodile. Standing on his two small legs, black jacket and coconut hat, with a gold watch on his paw, the crocodile ran between the bookshelves of the library. Intrigued, Stephan ran after him. And what a surprise he had, when he saw that reptile being creeping into the rosy lips of a large vagina that stood in front of him. Nothing else could be seen, except books on one side, and two large legs bent over to pass that great vagina covered with hair – in pale blue were painted the nails of the toes. More intrigued than before, he followed behind the crocodile, but so hasty that he was, strongly hit his head on the clitoris. Disoriented, he fell through the darkness of the vaginal canal. Blind, he began to feel his surroundings, pressing to move the folds that he found on his head. But the harder he pressed them, the more the walls seemed to constrict, and eventually Stephan was all wet with a viscous liquid. He didn’t diminish his conviction of unraveling the mystery, so he continued to advance. He came at last to something that by his touch he could identify as a great sphere. His hands seemed to sink into it, so he entered with the whole of his body that sphere. Inside, water began to enter through his mouth, and suffocated, he went unconscious.
His eyes were glued; he still felt water running through his mouth, but he could breathe again, or something like that, he didn’t know how; he could feel that he was naked, and his body was folded into a great mass that was very comfortable to him. He had been awakened by an earthquake. Everything trembled around him, and the walls that were so good to him were now pushing him in some direction. Then he saw a bright, white light at the end of a tunnel. His eyes couldn’t take it, but everything around him pushed him to it. Once again, Stephan found himself coming out of a vagina, first his right arm, then his head, then the rest of his torso and left arm. He fell almost blind in this new world of bright light. He fell to a soft floor, full of balls, as he could feel with his hands. Slowly, he opened his eyes, and thus, rising, he could see that he was in a strange valley, followed to infinity with a floor full of oval skin-colored surfaces. From the vagina where he came, nothing could be seen, only that endless desolation under that white sky. Stephan, naked, still a little disoriented and very uncomfortable to have left where he was, began to walk without direction through that place. He walked and walked, and it was very strange, because he always heard loose moans to which he couldn’t identify the origin. But it became all very clear to him when he thrust his thumb into a hole and fell to the ground. Those oval surfaces were nothing but asses. Stephan had been walking all this time in an eternal valley of asses, female asses. Realizing what lay beneath him, he became extremely aroused and choosing a shapely ass, began to penetrate it. He was fond of that ass, lying among those thousands of other asses, when he began to notice that he was sinking between them. He sank to meet himself on the other side of the floor. And so, still trapped by his cock up that ass up there, he saw himself in a sky of women with their buttocks up. To keep from sliding over, he grabbed the breasts of the blonde he was penetrating. There was nothing down over, and the women around him began to get agitated.
Some asked him to fuck them, others only looked at him timidly, others called him a pervert and seemed to want to kill him. The blonde he was hanging on, in turn, only moaned. Afraid to fall from there, he began to crawl up with his hands. Returning to the valley of asses, he quickly pulled his cock from the ass. However, this rapid movement made him climax. Stephan began to ejaculate. He ejaculated, ejaculated, and began to despair when he noticed that he no longer seemed to be able to stop. A river of his sperm was taking over the horizon. Nothing he did, no matter how hard he tried to tighten his penis muscle, stopped him from ejaculating, and his sperm was already reaching his neck. Soon, he was beginning to drown in his own sperm.
Stephan survived, stopped ejaculating, and managed to swim to the surface of his sperm. There, still looking at the desolate horizon, now with a white sky over a white sea, he began to listen to a banjo. In the distance, on a wooden box was the crocodile of the coconut hat paddling. And right behind him, sat in the back of the box, was Robert Crumb, playing a banjo and singing.
“You don’t know me well, my love.
And I know my cock well, and you don’t.
I just want to fuck you, my love.
But that’s not the way you’re thinking.
No, it’s not…
I want to love you with him too, my love.
I want to squeeze him through those hot lips.
Make you wet, screaming and asking for more.
It’s all true, my love.
That can kill me, my love.
You can bury me, my love.
But I’ll fuck you till the end of time.
For my dick is nothing without you.
No, it’s not…
I want to love you with him too, my love.
No one else makes him feel at home like you, my love.
That can kill me, my love.
But I’ll fuck you till the end of time.”
Stephan began to swim behind the crocodile and Robert Crumb. Soon he saw a beach. Arriving at it, he found only their box on the sand and marks that followed to a forest. It wasn’t a forest like any other he had been in before. The trees were large penises, with branches, small penises, sprouting from their veins, and from these small penises, other small penises that finally gave to rounded breast fruits. All the trees were full of breasts. And the floor was covered with pubic hair. Stephan walked for a long time in that forest until he was taken by surprise when a breast was through on his head. Turning, he saw a beautiful brunette girl, naked, sitting with her legs spread at the top of a penis.
– Do you love me? – asked the girl.
– Yes – said Stefan, without much thought.
– Oh, what a lie, what a lie!
– But this is the pure truth! How can I prove this to you?
– See, see! If you loved me, you wouldn’t need to ask that question. Anyone who asks questions knows nothing! You can get up here, but I assure you, I will not believe anything!
Stephan then climbed up to the top of the penis, and there the girl sat on his lap and began to masturbate him.
– What is your destination? – asked the girl, but Stephan didn’t listen because he was sucking on one of her breasts, which made her hit his head to make him pay attention. – Come on, speak, what is your destination?
– I want to go home.
– And where is your house?
– I don’t know anymore. Her name was Carolina, but now I don’t know.
– Ah, if you don’t know, you must ask the one who knows everything! You should ask the king! He is to be found in the southern regions. You must go there!
Stephan sailed south, but not before sucking the breasts of that strange girl a little more. On the way to the king’s tower, he went through many other strange experiences with eccentric characters, faced seven challenges that almost killed him, participated in orgies and reinvented his sexuality several times. Finally, after much fighting, he found himself in the elevator to the king’s penthouse. He was very different from how he looked when he had began this journey. He now had a long beard, an afro-blonde hair, a red leather jacket, purple plaid trousers with bell mouths, and dark green shoes with a fish tank. He was carrying a water gun, full of vodka. The elevator was led by the crocodile with the coconut hat, who growled at him impatiently.
At the top, the door finally opened. And there, Stephan saw the queen sat on a chair, dressed only in a large black skirt, playing the piano. She moaned as she played.
– Where is the king? – asked Stephan.
– You know … the women on the right are prettier than those on the left – Silvio Berlusconi replied, coming out from beneath his wife’s skirt. – What do you want, boy?
– I want to meet the woman of my life!
Berlusconi looked at him in amazement, then began to laugh wildly. He fell on the floor with the laugh. After controlling himself, he got up, put on a serious face, and went to Stephan, placing a hand on his shoulder and leading him to the window. So, with the horizon of the erotic city in front of him, he began to speak.
– A wise man once said that the first ingredient to love women is that you can never take them seriously. A man who takes a woman seriously is bound to live with resentment. Take your life in a loose and lively way, dedicate it to yourself, and they will come to you. And if you ever find one that impresses you, lock her in the basement with a chain!
– Only that?
– Yeah, that’s it! Now come here with me! – Berlusconi took Stephan to a small hole closed by a metal door. He lifted the strap, revealing a dark moat. – Look down there! – Stephan looked, and then Berlusconi gave him a big push, sending him down the moat. – Um … who these people think they are, invading my residence, dressed like a drag queen, to ask me insane questions.
Stephan fell through a garbage ditch, finally getting to a pile of erotic objects. After swimming out of the pile, he saw three doors. Each with the face of a beautiful girl in its center.
– Hahaha … don’t you want to come by? – asked the faces at the doors.
– Yes, yes, I need to get somewhere that makes sense where I can find the love of my life.
– Hahahaha … one of us may be that possibility, just put your penis in the mouth from which you choose, and find out. Oh … but be warned, only one of us really loves you. From the others, one really hates you and another just wants to use you.
Stephan thus looked at the three of them, analyzing how they looked at him. The one at the first door had a shy look and a restrained smile, sometimes watching him, sometimes running away from him. The one at the second door, looked at him with desire, and seemed to want to swallow him – he felt comfortable with that look on himself. The one on the third door was just serious, sometimes raising her eyebrows, as if she was also analyzing him. Finally, after much thinking, he came to the conclusion that it could only be the one in the middle that really loved him. The first one seemed only to want to use him to end her loneliness, and the last one probably wanted to kill him.
Stephan took off his clothes, and already excited to see those eyes filled with desire watching him, placed his cock erect in the mouth of the middle one, trusting eagerly that he had found his great love. She sucked his cock into herself, then gave him a big bite. Stephan died bleeding stretched out on the floor.